September « 2009 « patrickpants

for my love!

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

hi blog, it’s been a while! but I don’t know why. probably because there are so many things going on and sometimes I see people and I am like “I think they are wearing mascara” but then they aren’t! they just have weird eyes. happens all the time. mascara weirds me out. like, a lot! if I took it and put it on the table, there would be like, a lot of weird to look at.

anyway, I think that today is shut up!

can all that booty be all yours? nah. you don’t even know me at all.

what am I gonna do with you. ew. somebody just said they were my mother and that they wanted to have sex with their house. and they wanted to end their conversation by going to the garbage. they are also wearing purple.

she is pretty weird and her hair is like so many things going on and I am like that clock is broken! why is it broken? it is not 6:50. it is 14:55:23.

you have a pimple on your lips. it looks like herpes. she also has a beard necklace. it is disgusting. and her hair is parted to the side and she looks like a fool! foolish girl gonna make you cry.

it’s only more startling than a cup of plastic against your face. it is so cold! and abrupt?

maybe there are zippers in hell. sometimes I don’t like zippers. I have pants that use buttons instead of zippers. they are efficient. and, generally, lead to sexy results.

I can read my mind, I wish it was the other way. somewhere, I could read other people’s minds.

you know what would suck? if everyone could read your mind. you’d have like no private thoughts ever. like you’d just be thinking and everyone would already know and then you’d say something and people would be like “we already heard.”

but in my case it might be different because I think and then talk and they aren’t related all of the time. I can think in my head like “soup! cheese soup!!” and then say “I’m in love with a stripper.”

but that is because I am me and you are you and sometimes my keyboard adds extra spaces between words. but that is for me to know and you to find out! do I do it on purpose? or on accident?

ugh, I hate it when people put two spaces after an ending punctuation mark. it’s like they are just begging to use more space.

“hey guys.　I’m really cool!　I need these extra spaces?　yes, yes I do.”

in japanese, is okay. you don’t want to confuse people.

明日、うちへ来ませんか？この市の人口はどのぐらいですか？
versus
明日,うちへ来ませんか?この市の人口はどのぐらいですか?

you know it and I know it.
it’s about time.

stupid time. time will tell you lies!
I can’t get over how that clock is so totes wrong. it should have a tote bag for being so totes. I wish I had an umbrella with a picture of a bee on it.

batteries are weird. are you paying attention? this part is important: batteries were used in egypt. it’s true, they harnessed them way back then. isn’t that crazy? too bad they died.

heheh, I am so cool. sometimes I look at myself and just am like “dayum, that’s pretty cool. you’re a pretty cool patrick!” and then I feel bad and am like “maybe the feminist is right, maybe you are a narcissist.” but then I am not and everything is alright. there’s nothing wrong with being happy with yourself.

or is there?

dundundundnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

sirens are pretty cool. I bet you could make a song with them. except andrew would hate it because he probably would not like a song with alarms. he might like a song with, like, I don’t know. something mediocre. like footsteps. footsteps are like the cloth of boring. if someone made a CD of just people walking, I bet it wouldn’t be that great. I mean, I think it would be kinda creepy. like, maybe you could play it during halloween.

oh.

my gosh.

how creepy would it be if someone was just listening to it like on their iPod? just like, people walking but with their headphones? like on the bus? jeez that would be scarier than someone listening to children’s laughter on their phone.

children is a weird word. it’s not lot we’re adultren. we are just adults. or young adults. or popsicles!

how did they come up with popsicles? I wish I knew. if I knew, I bet I could invent something even cooler.

I can party for hours. I can do it nine times too.

something is wrong with the hates today. they are all too big or too small. I have a small head, so they are usually too big for me, but it’s not like a big deal or anything. I feel it is just needed to be pointed out, though. I don’t have carpal tunnel? surprise! clothes are cool.

what are people going to think when they read about us in the future? will they be like “man, booberella was obviously a very important world leader. look at how big her breasts are! they are obviously a status symbol.”

it is sad because it is true.

anyway, I am sitting and the back side of these seats are felt or something. felt is a weird name for a fabric. like, who was like “I felt this fabric. I don’t know what it is. I’ll just call it the action that I did to it.” something like that is troubling! let’s go!

on to the next endeavor? cheetah prints are trippy. one time, I made a bubble with soap, water and my hands, and it looked like a cheetah print! I tried to tell my dad, since I was seven. or nine. anyway, I was like “hey dad! lookit!” and he didn’t. and it popped.

la la la… let’s samba! but not rumba. that song is ugly. it sounds like whales having intercourse with a drum set and then they speak english and count in spanish instead of whale. whaleish? whales speak something.

whatever.

shamu is dead, right?

I forget.

anyway, half a mile from here is a trax station. I’m going to walk to it! this way I’m not an inconvenience. and you aren’t a gay bar hat! GAY BAR HAT!! remember when I went to the gay bar and that guy grabbed my face and then asked me if I liked diana ross? that was awkward. but it could have been worse. he could have been that girl that licked my face and then told me to give her my tongue.

I don’t understand why these short models insist on wearing flats. they are short! try looking taller, stop looking shorter.

and now for my final thought: if you take a chance and make amends, you will not be able to walk without tripping. it happens to everyone! so remember that donuts are gross and tomorrow is the week. and never forget to buy tear away pants. just in case.

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Archive for September, 2009

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for my love!

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